Rough time.

So, over the last month I have had a rough time. I started something at school that I knew was gonna be mentally and physically challenging about 4 weeks ago because it was something that I really wanted to do and try and prove to myself, and to everyone else that just because I am sick and not the healthiest person in the world I can overcome things and do certain things that people don’t think I can do or expect me to try at. So I started and the first week wasn’t bad it was just very tiring, which I knew it would be of course. The second week got harder and my Crohn’s started to flare up on me. When this happened I got pretty weak and sick for a couple of days and ended up going to the ER for dehydration and pain from the flare up. They fixed me all up in the ER and I was feeling much better and I went back to the physical thing I had started after some rest. Well at the end of the second week I was told by the people in charge that they did not feel I needed to continue because of my health and that it wouldn’t be fair to other people who are doing the same things I was if I had it easier than them through the process, so I had to quit.

Let me just vent here for a second. First of all its not fair that I have a disease and many other health issues going on that are out of my control. I am not mad or upset that I have so many health problems I have come to terms with that and realized that God is in control of my life and health and He knows what He is doing. If I wasn’t strong enough to handle it I probably would not have it but apparently I am pretty strong. Also, I did not like the fact that the decision was made for me and I did not have a say in the matter. If I was at the point where I said hey I need to quit because I can’t do it anymore than that is a different story, but the decision was made for me. Anyways, I was upset of course not really mad more of an upsetting thing because I wanted it very badly and put my all into it and that wasn’t good enough. This happened 2 weeks ago and I am over it now. I have realized that sometimes things happen that are out of our control and we just have to accept it and move on. Yeah, granted I still wish I was doing it because it meant a lot to me and was something new for me I have accepted everything, and I am not bitter over it. I made great friends and grew closer to those I already had during the process so it was pretty awesome.

I don’t like letting my disease control what I do though because I wanna prove to people that just because I have Crohn’s disease and other things wrong that these diseases do not have me. I rarely ever do not do something because I am sick. I go to class sick, I go out with friends sick, and many other things when I do not feel well just because I don’t want to be controlled by it and to prove that I can beat it. Yes, there are days when I just can’t do things and I do stay in and rest or go on to the doctor but thats when I have had enough and my body can’t take anymore. I am about to post a quote that is probably my favorite one of all because it really hits home with me it says:

‎”Anyone can give up, it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But holding it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength.” -Unknown

When everyone else see’s me at my weakest points, my sickest times when I am in the hospital very weak or having to stay in bed for a couple days because I just can’t get up and people could think that he has a good reason to just quit school or change his major due to stress and that it wouldn’t change the way they think about me just because it would be better for my health, those moments are the moments when I get up, put a smile on my face and continue on chasing my dreams. If everyone in the world who had a disease or some kind of illness and had good reasons to just quit and not fulfill their dreams actually quit, what would that say to everyone else who gets diagnosed with an illness? Yes I completely understand that sometimes people can’t help it and have to which is fine because some things just can’t be helped, but I am talking about just everyone who is sick just quit. That would not be encouraging to those who come up behind us and get sick with an illness and wanna be a famous singer, a doctor or whatever they wanna be in life. I wanna be that guy who despite having a disease or two, in and out of the hospital and doctors offices all the time and sick, I wanna be that person who continues on and fights the fight and who knows maybe change the world if I am lucky, or at least be a doctor. So that when people who have debilitating illnesses see me they can think, hey if he did it why can’t I?

It has been a rough couple of weeks with school and other life issues, just trying to keep my head above water and move on! I hope this blog was encouraging to everyone and if not I am sorry! Its just me writing down feelings and updating you on life.